So I successfully navigated myself through Thursday night at the movies but the following day, Friday I slipped a little when a girlfriend came around for a Friday arvo catchup. We cracked a bottle of wine which I wasn’t considering too much of a slip up at this stage. OK I’ve decided to have a wine but will have a sugar free weekend.
Then Saturday morning comes with all its usual titchiness. What is it about Saturday mornings that always leaves everyone in the household grumpy and cranky with each other? I remember this being the same when I was a girl with my Dad always so grumpy on Saturday mornings. It was really the only time I saw him cranky.
I was out of the house by 6.45am (very unusual) with boards in the back of the car heading north to take my son Cooper and his mate for an early as the surf report had promised a decent swell with an off shore wind.
Cooper mentioned he had put my board in the back. Then mentioned a few times on the way up – you should come out Mum. I was still waking up and just grunted. They went straight out and after sitting for time rubbing my feet in the sand his gently persuasive words sunk in. Good on you Coop. I love you so much. It was so nice in the water and although not a great surf for me it was just good to be out there amongst the power of the waves and the tow of the ocean.
The boys were meeting friends at the Cooley Pro but I was ready for breakfast. I caught one heat then set off to find some food as I had once again left the house unprepared for hunger. The cafe had healthy options and I thought I had selected a sugar and carb free meal with an almond milk coffee (yep it tastes as it sounds…odd, unless drunk cold with ice) but when the meal arrives there was the big chunky slice of toast with the eggs and veg. I was hungry and still feeling slightly off balance from the emotional exchange as I left the house, I ate the lot – bummer. I then experienced for the guzillionth time that crazy mix of emotions, hating what I’m doing whilst I’m doing it. Is this sugar addiction or self sabotage calling the shots? Either way I’m sitting back watching and hating it.
After the helpful high from being out in the water I’ve now again descended a few notches but it doesn’t stop there. So it is with this mood, I went on to deal with un-paying tenants and real estate agents. After being tolerant, patient and flexible for so long (4 years) I felt again I had been slapped in the face. Our un-paying tenant has left the property, sub let it, receiving the rent from the new tenant and still not paying rent. I give up! I’m not being the nice guy any more. My emotions are now running the show. I’m pissed off with myself and the world around me and what’s on my mind. Sugar!!
I hold off going down the big binge path by buying another coffee. This time with soy milk (contains sugar). A coffee I didn’t even want but I guess it was better than the muffin I was eyeing off, inconveniently displayed at eye level on the bench near the cashier.
So in hind sight at this stage I’ve not stuck to the plan but its not too bad. At least I didn’t sneak in a block of chocolate or have that muffin but I’m feeling like sh*t.
I’m not going back to Day 1 ever again! I’m just slipping off the sugarless path and dragging myself back on kicking and screaming as soon as I can. This is my latest strategy.
But I’m so caught up in the emotion of what is going on around me that I can’t even think of that. I come home and head straight to the fridge for a couple of roast potatoes that I managed to keep off my plate at last night’s dinner but I’m heading right there now and nothing is stopping me.
Now out for dinner. A curry night at a close friend’s house. I’m bringing the cauliflower rice so I don’t get tempted by the rice. What is a curry without the rice? Well actually its pretty good with cauliflower rice. Delicious even. There are plenty of recipes via google for cauliflower rice. I made it there onsite. 8 mins to prepare and 5 mins to cook. Easy!
My gorgeous girlfriend knew I was trying to be sugar free so bought diet ginger ale to have Pimms and Ginger Ale (sugar free-ish) as a drink option. But I decide on the champagne then cheese and crackers, dinner then dessert. Banana cream pie. I feel drained from my emotional day (bigger than I have described here), I have no power to draw on and in the comfort of this loving home, with the love from these beautiful children who helped make the pie I just give up and eat it. I hardly even think about it my choices.
Now Sunday. Coops is now 13 nearly 14. He is taller than me and looks very man like. He needs food regularly and although his sights are set on a healthy existence, expecting him to go without sugar and complex carbs would be (at the moment) tortuous for us both.
So I try to cook one day a week to have healthy snacks in the freezer that I can pull out for the lunch box and other treat / snack occasions. Whilst in the freezer they are far less tempting for me during the week.
Sultana bliss balls. I add all sorts of extra ingredients to the recipe taking much longer to make than they should have. Many dips into the bowl to try as each new experimental ingredient is added. I now see that by sticking to the original recipe, quick and easy and straight into the freezer is the way to go.
This is why I’m writing this blog. To help me see where I’m going wrong and by highlighting these actions hopefully see what they really are, learn from them or create a strategy to move around them. From today’s entry I have learnt 3 things.
- How much my emotional state plays with my resolve to be sugar free.
- How much I let others influence my emotions and therefore my actions
- and the direct approach I should take when cooking with sugar.
I will attempt to set intentions to help with these distractions. Wish me luck.
Tales of a Sugarholic 